Connect With Your Teen Through Music

One of the greatest things about teenagers is the wonder, passion, and intensity through which they see the world and live their lives.  They are curious, thoughtful, and dramatic.  For many teens, music becomes a major way to express themselves and feel through their emotions.  The love struck teen makes a playlist of love songs.  The heart-broken teen listens to sad songs to get through loss.  The athletic teen listens to music to get pumped up for an event. The happy teen blasts music and sings along. Teens are not afraid to dance to music in the rain, or play it loudly throughout the house and from the car.

The massive increase in technology certainly presents challenges for parents. However, technology can also help you stay connected to your teen. The important thing is that your teen learns to protect his/her online identity, and that you guide and monitor their use.  YouTube is very popular site among teenagers. With YouTube, teens can listen to any song they want and create playlists of their favorites.  You too can create a YouTube account, and subscribe to your teen’s playlists (as long as your teen has made them public). I personally have a YouTube account, I subscribe to my teens lists, and I mine through their music.  You may or may not like the same kind of music your teen likes.  But, there are a number of reasons to tune in!

1.  You Can Use Their Music To Express Your Feelings For Them.  I came across the following song while looking through one of my son’s YouTube playlists.  It says so much about the relationship I have with both of my children. It also says a lot about who I want to be for them.  One line in particular says, “You can ALWAYS come home”.  I gave both my teens this song and told them it made me think of them.  Sometimes, it is the simple things that say I LOVE YOU!

2.  You Can Learn About Your Teen. The music your teen listens to can reflect his/her interests. Songs communicate a range of experiences, beliefs, and desires. While it can be easy to be concerned by some of the lyrics, don’t get stuck there. Teens often overlook the negativity and stand in the values you have taught them. Depending on your teen’s age, lyrics may even go over their head.  Knowing what your teen is listening to can be the first step in having a conversation about what you think.

3.  Music Creates Relationship Through Commonality: I once heard a dad tell a beautiful story about reconnecting with his son by taking him to a Metallica concert.  He was excited to share that the silence that was present on the way to the concert was non-existent on the way home.  In fact, his son talked his ear off, not only about the concert, but about all kinds of other things that were going on in his world.  The father was proud of himself for being able to sit through the whole concert, even though he preferred classical music.  He told his son that “they were not as bad as he thought they would be”.  But, he left out the part about wearing earplugs the entire time.  The point was never to fall in love with Metallica’s music. It was to spend quality time doing something his son loved.

4.  It Gives Your Teen An Opportunity to Share:  Being a teenager can be like living in an entirely separate society. Our culture even perpetuates this by using terms like “youth culture”.  The concept of a “youth culture” is that teens live by their own set of rules, roles, and responsibilities, which separates them from adults. This separation can as teens feeling like adults are always telling them what to do.  When you show an interest in their music, you are giving them an opportunity to share a little piece of them. They are left feeling like you are interested in them.

5.  It Helps You Understand What They May Be Going Through: If you pay attention, music can cue you into what is going on in your teen’s life.  You can use a song to start a conversation, or to show that you are interested in them or what they are going through.  You can also use song lyrics as a teachable moment.  For example, rather than sitting down at the table to have a conversation about drinking alcohol, use the lyrics from a song to generate a two way dialogue.

6.  It Keeps You Current. Teens like it when adults understand their world. Whether or not you actually like their music, it makes them feel accepted for who they are if you know something about it. Parenting teens is never a popularity contest because we must always be present to protecting, coaching, and disciplining. Knowing their music can, however, up the Cool Factor.

Happy Parenting!

Shelly

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Author: Shelly D Mahon

I have been working with families and teens for almost 20 years, and teaching in a university setting since the year 2000. My commitment is that parents have the support and resources they need to take care of themselves and foster the growth and development of their children. ABOUT ME I have a Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Studies (HDFS) and over 20 years of experience working with youth and families. No matter what your family structure, I am committed to helping you make your family work. I can guid you in effectively managing divorce, strengthening parent-child relationships, embracing the teenage years, reducing risks and increasing resiliency in your families. If fostering the growth and development of your children is important to you, I am committed to working with you. APART, NOT BROKEN: LEARN, CONNECT, & CREATE! Apart, Not Broken is for divorced or separated parents who want to: Move past fear, pain, & guilt Create the life they want with their child Manage their relationship with their ex Contribute to others Be the creator of their future The program gives you a place to: Learn: Hear others real experiences and insights. Receive information and recommendations that can make a measurable difference in adjusting and parenting after separation or divorce. Connect: Join an online community. Learn to use creative strategies to connect with your child and manage your relationship with their ex-partner. Create: Feel powerful in your ability to be the parent YOU want to be. Create the relationship YOU want with their child by building on existing strengths, starting new traditions, and creating lasting memories. This program has: – Videos reflecting real life experiences; – Online tools for sharing photos, comparing calendars, communicating, and more; – Current & concise information about divorce & parenting after divorce; – Engaging activities to enjoy with their child; & – Additional resources to build their own parenting toolbox. Happy Parenting, Shelly I took my first Human Development and Family Studies course as an undergraduate at 18 years old. This was the beginning of a lifetime love and commitment to this field. I have another online program Parenting Through Middle School. I am the mother of two teens myself. This has been an interesting journey and quite the adventure. Over the years, I have learned that parenting takes a lot of energy, but it is well worth the effort. To me, parenting brings to life an ever-changing spectrum of human emotion. It is filled with moments of love, excitement, anticipation, expectations, fears, hopes, and dreams. It has made me laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time! Just when I think I have everything figured out, my children change. In these moments I realize that I too must change. As they grow, I find myself looking for the balance between teaching them my values, beliefs, and interests and helping them discover and develop into their own unique individual characters. I love to exercise, eat well, sing and play my piano. My favorite sports are running, mountain biking, hiking, snowshoeing, snowboarding, yoga, Pilates, and most recently, road biking. Happy Parenting! Shelly

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